SOmnia...

Hey everyone I have this essay due monday and this ones really important to me so I want to make sure I get everything right.. Soooooo I've been up till 5am writing because I'm not going to have enough time tommorow or sunday, Just going to have to pull two more late night writing sessions I guess.

Allright let me get back on track, the professor stated more then once that the thesis topic was our primary concern and that if we botched that the best grade we could recieve was a C paper, so naturally im stressing that alittle. Well I know you shouldn't write it till the end of the paper, but tell me what you think so far.

Thesis-
Desert Dreams is a surreal painting by Michael Parkes, it has a style that is a magic realism. Taking illogical or supernatural scenarios and painting them in a realistic manner.







Paragraph 1. describe the painting (work in progress still not done)

As if effortlessly she takes a graceful step on a thin white ribbon, which leads
peculiarly into the middle of a massive door. Her toe puts pressure on the ribbon and it bends slightly, astonishingly supporting her. So angelic and pure, these features are only adorned by her outfit. A white night gown and black stockings. The young girl holds a teddy bear under her right arm, in between the other arm is a butterfly net pointing upwards. Above her head are a flock of yellow butterflies, unknowingly leading the sleeping girl into a door shaped hole in the blue sky, which appears to have a world that makes much more sense on the other side. The clouds that surround her are obscuring the sun, but the light shines through faintly. Enough to put a slight golden tint in the thick grey and white clouds. In the distance almost parallel to the lovely dreamer is an iguana of abnormally large scale. Flying through the air with frail golden wings he carries a lite torch. The edge of a marble structure juts out to the left of the flying creature and the girl. Holding the ribbon ever so gently like a puppeteer holds the thread of a marionette. He is a very oddly dressed man almost so much so that it almost appears as if he isn’t human. Covered in
white body paint on his chest, up his neck, and completely covering his face. He wears an acute red smile that curls upward. A flamboyant helmet sits atop his head, It point downward to his nose covering his eyes completely.


paragraph 2 i was thinking describe the paintings meaning.

paragraph 3 im thinking ill describe what it means to me.


Allright comment away! Feel free to comment anything, word usage, etc..

thanks for reading, hope you liked it.

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shatterstar

the thing with surrealism is that its nearr impossible to consistently interpret.

if i were to write a paragraph on what i derive from the work, i could write it 10 times and each interpretation would be unique. so if you're going to strucutre your essay around interpretation of a surrealist work, well, good luck wi' that.

that 'interpreting' art is midly blasphemous is a different argument.

now, your 'thesis' is not a thesis. a thesis requires you to take a stand and draw a conclusion.

something like 'surrealist artists are clinically depressed'

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Kiigora Lord of Pirates

There are several of grammatical errors in your first paragraph.
"So angelic and pure, these features are only adorned by her outfit. A white night gown and black stockings." You should probably combine these two as you are describing her outfit, which should be in the same sentence. "Flying through the air with frail golden wings he carries a lite torch." Lite means low on something, so you may consider "small" or something of the sort instead.

I didn’t post all of them because you should be able to find them. Please don't take this the wrong way; I'm just trying to help you.

Yeah, that's why writing about art is dumb Shatterstar.

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I have GeeFicks lolol.

zzzaacckk

I dont know how you will be incorporating your thesis into your paper, nor do I know the essay / thesis requirements for fine arts, but atleast as an honors history students i can tell you that that thesis would not pass. I would try to make it one sentence or if you plan on doing two sentences, you should have brief statments about how you intend on proving whatever it is you are proving (which again is unclear, unless i am missing some art terms)

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SOmnia...

Yeah I did Desert Dreams because it's my favorite painting probably ever and it is such a challenge to do, figure i'll get some points for that.. I hope >.>

Since it's a descriptive essay I thought that the thesis would more summarize the following paragraphs not so much take a stand, but that's atleast what I got from class. Is that the case for anyone else have, you ever heard a thesis this way? Or is it always taking a stand one issues verse another, which appears to be the standard way it's used. I'll definitly hit the english book hard tonight and read the chapter on thesis statement.

In highschool we would always make thesis paragraphs like this, where you would describe each paragraph in a sentence. eg. Abraham Lincoln was a great president for many reasons, but what he is most credited for is his humanitarinism, leadership under pressure, and big hat.

Hope I didn't overload you with information, thanks

Well thankfully my professor seems pretty liberal with grammar, spelling, and with the topics he just gave us a page to choose from and said we could expand upon the questions there. Still though I like my essay looking perfect and flowing perfect. I cringe over each word.. so what you said means alot.

Thanks much

Yeah maybe I jumped the gun to early with posting this thread. It's just in the past i've had a hard time finding a unbiased, tough reader of my writing. So I thought it would be cool to ask you all. As far as the art terms I thought I explained it pretty well in the second sentence in the thesis, but I guess not. The professor says describe like he's an idiot on the issue so, if a smart guy like you couldn't get it, i'm in trouble.

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She & Him

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| Red Devil |

your main problem, commas and periods are not interchangeable....

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S3R0SIG

Demi

Yeah, the second sentence isn't a sentence

Xiahou Dun

It took you until 5am to write one paragraph?

You're in trouble.

Edit: Oh and why didn't you mention the Tiger? That's probably my favourite part of the painting.
YouTube - A little Respect

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Cold as ice cream, but still as sweet.

Congar

So what? Not a very focused thesis.

Plus, the thesis needs to be a claim--looks like you are analyzing/summarizing. Claim something (original), such as the painter is a loony. I dunno.

Ok, I gave up correcting grammar after the first few sentences b'cuz i went Y'AY DEE DEE. Anyway, I recommend that you find someone, AYE ARE EL/ in real life, to look it over--preferably your teacher. We do not know the required constructs or paragraph formations of your essay. If there isn't that we can probably help, but yeah talk to your teacher and just bug the hell out of him/her.

SOmnia...

I got tired! The tigers the final thing im describing in the first paragraph.

My favorite part has to be the girl something more magical about her then the rest of the painting.

I hope i'm not in trouble :s I only wrote for a few hours and like I said. I stress over the sentences to much for a first draft.. but eh i'll get it done.

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